Clean Body, Clean Mind

I am addicted to sugar.

THERE MOM I SAID IT.

Yes, it is true, I have a love affair with sugar that cannot be denied. I think even my husband knows it, and might be a bit jealous.

My love affair has given me so much – and by that I mean weight. I was in denial for a bit there, but looking at pictures of myself from a few months ago, I cannot deny it now. I was unhealthy and, quite honestly, overweight. I shy away from the word ‘fat’ because I wasn’t over 200 pounds, but I was most definitely a good 35 pounds over a healthy weight. Hence the term ‘overweight’.

And you know what? That wasn’t okay. We live in a society where accepting who you are is the new norm, and that’s wonderful. Love yourself everyone! Be who you are, in whatever shape you come in!

BUT BE HEALTHY. I was not healthy. I couldn’t walk upstairs without being winded. This post is not about how my body has changed or what diet I went on, but about the mental changes that happened when I went and lost all of my sugary love affair’s baggage.

I first realized that I was overweight in the most heartbreaking way – I came back to California to spend the rest of the summer with my family until my wedding, and I had a wedding dress fitting coming up soon. Now I am biased of course, but my wedding dress is the most gorgeous and wonderful dress, and I felt like BeyoncĂ© in it. I was so excited to try it on again, that I wanted to try it before the fitting. When I bought it 10 months before, it fit perfectly.

When I tried it on that day, there was a four inch gap between each side of the zipper. I fell into my mom’s arms and sobbed. It was the most devastating feeling, like I was so helpless, and that there was no way that I would be able to look as beautiful as I wanted to on my wedding day.

Here I am, one month since that day, and I now fit my wedding dress, I have lost 15 pounds, and while I still have a little more to go, my mind sees my body in a whole new light. I have a couple new stretch marks, and I love them. I still put cocoa butter on them nightly to get them to go away, but I appreciate their existence, because they remind me of how far I went, and how far I never want to be again.

The biggest change however, was the difference in how my mind worked. I used to be agitated and more stressed than necessary. I didn’t sleep well, and when I did I still felt mentally tired all day. I was confrontational, aggressive, and protective of food like a starving animal. Sounds scary right?

I never weighed myself until I had to commit to losing weight – now weighing myself is one of my favorite parts of my day, even if my weight goes up (cheat days are a real thing and a real struggle). I clear my mind, and I am very precise with the scale, and I take a second to appreciate my body, because it’s the only one I’ve got. In those early morning moments, I remember how I used to act and feel versus how I feel now.

I’ll admit, I am still stressed – but that’s because my wedding is in less than a month. But I sleep well every night, I am never tired, I am peppy and bubbly and happier than I’ve ever been. I have shed the negativity along with the weight, and it has done wonders for me. I love my body and myself no matter what – I always will. But now, I respect myself. I give my body the good stuff, and in turn, it gives my mind good thoughts.

 

For those interested in the weight loss program I am on, please comment below!

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