Long Distance Marriage

Everyone knows about the LDR, but do you know about the LDM? Long Distance Marriage?

IT sucks, my friends. As a wife with a husband in the military, I have to deal with something that is unique to our marriage: deployment.

Deplorable, vicious, terrible, abhorrent deployment. Before you all begin to worry, no, my husband does not go into any war zones or extremely dangerous places. I can’t say where he does go, to protect those who are deployed now, but I know where he is (generally) and I have access to him.

I must say, that I am luckier than most military spouses, as my husband only goes for a few months versus years, and we have the option to talk at least once a day. That being said, I still struggled so much with him being deployed. He left a few days before my birthday, and I couldn’t properly enjoy my birthday due to it. I cried, a lot. I wrote 3 or more letters a week the entire time he was gone, and I made a care package for him and decorated the flaps of the box. Then I cried some more.

While he was gone, I was able to learn more about our relationship and myself and in the end, I almost appreciated the experience. Almost. I learned that our relationship feels like an extension of myself – so much so that I almost felt as though I had made it all up (thankfully, I did not). Talking with each other was the one thing that kept us sane. I also learned new ways to communicate with him, and how to calmly express my frustrations in a way that wouldn’t start an argument. I learned to treasure each moment that I got to talk to him, because I never knew if I would be able to talk to him that day or the next or for another week. Through that, I also learned to be okay (ish) with not knowing.

About myself, I learned that I do not like change. I don’t like not being in control and not knowing the plans and all that jazz. I learned to be okay with being alone, and I learned to do my homework on time. But mostly, I learned that I really can’t live without him.

Could I handle another deployment? Yes.

Do I want to? Of course not.

Enjoy and treasure every moment you spend with your loved ones, as not all of us have that luxury all the time.


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